Coffeeshop Encounters
Actual conversation I had with a Starbucks tablemate tonight:
ACT I
Me, arriving: Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?
Guy across the table: No, go ahead.
Business-Interested, Though Clueless, Hellcat, in a feisty manner: ….? What is this, high school? Are you like asking to sit at the cafeteria table?
Me: No. [Courtesy chuckle.] You never know in a place like this. Sometimes people go to the bathroom and take everything they own with them.
BITCH: No they do not!
Me: …I know.
INTERMISSION
I unload my stuff and go to get a drink.
ACT II
BITCH, as I sit down, as though she were waiting to ask for the past several minutes: Are you in college?
Me: No, I’m in grad school.
BITCH: Oh… For what?
Me: Cancer biology.
BITCH: Cancer what?!?
Me, unable to discern whether she is deaf, incredulous of the existence of the field of biology, or both: Cancer BIOLOGY.
BITCH: Oh… What is point of that? Why wouldn’t you go to med school or something?
Me: I’m also in med school.
BITCH, noticeably dispirited by my unwavering disposition in the face of her purposeful rudeness: I don’t believe in such academic pursuits.
Me: How so?
BITCH: I just think it’s a waste of time. Yeah, medical school is fine, but grad school…what could you possibly do with that?
Me: Research?
BITCH: Yeah, but it’s, like, pointless. Grad school is pointless. What good does research ever do?
Me: Sometimes, you can learn new things.
INTERMISSION
I mull over my options at this point with my headphones in one hand and her on the other.
ACT III
Me, noticing her perusal of the whole of Facebook since my arrival: Are you in college?
BITCH: PFFFFFT. Yeah, I’m a sophomore in college.
Me, in an honest, yet increasingly indifferent, manner: Are you being serious?
BITCH: Noooo! Do I look like I’m in college?
Me: Yes.
BITCH: No.
Me: …
BITCH: I have a job. I have an MBA.
Me: Okay.
BITCH: I mean, I guess that’s grad school too, but it’s different. An MBA is just more worth it. You do stuff.
Me: Okay.
THE AYND
I should’ve gone with the headphones. Always go with the headphones.
I am already having arguments in my head for you…
What a weirdo!
Pretty typical MBA mentality - BITCH must be an A student. You’d have delude yourself into thinking everything else is useless to justify why you’ve dropped 100 grand on classes in “dressing for success”, filling out production schedules, cutting spending, and convincing subordinates to do everything that requires any particular expertise.
Don’t sweat it dude. Just try and stay away from the business buildings. Maybe go to one of those hippy-ish fair-trade coffee joints instead…
Although a good MBA-bashing would be a great way to let off some steam once in a while…
LOL!!!
I will say this about the U of C, unlike where I go to med school, you all have a healthy disdain for the MBA type. Here, we think everything they do must be fantastic. Oh Wharton is sooooo great, they’re all sooooo smart, they all swoon. It makes me want to barf.
Much respect for the demure resigned interaction, as only my man Ben can pull. I find that I would have asked her questions about what she does, and then find a way to patronize her for being in something as futile… “Oh - you are in Finannce? Why aren’t you in Manhattan or London? Surely, that would be a place to go with your MBA… ” I’m a smug jag…