Every month, roughly five days after my credit card bill payment clears, I receive a letter in the mail from my bank, Citibank, that reads:

Dear BENJAMIN D FERGUSON:

Your Citibank statement is now available at http://www.citicards.com. This notification is part of the All-Electronic Program you enrolled in to receive your statements online only instead of in the mail.

…

We hope you enjoy the many benefits of the All-Electronic Program.

Sincerely,
S. Larson
Customer Service”

So let me get this straight. I’m enrolled in the All-Electronic Program, a program that presumably eliminates anything non-electronic—the one in which I enrolled to “receive [my] statements online only instead of in the mail.” And I am sent a letter in the mail to notify me that my statement, of whose availability I am notified electronically and whose balance has long been paid off, is now available. Also, to ensure, via snail mail, that I am enjoying the All-Electronic Program, the program that presumably eliminates anything non-electronic.

No, Citibank, I am not enjoying the program. It isn’t working for me. I think I might want to start receiving paper notifications.

Oh, wait.