Holy hell. Here’s the schedule Abbie just sent me for this weekend’s festivities. Mind you, this isn’t even for the wedding; this is just for one of the damn showers.

Thursday:
Abbie picks [redacted] up at MegaBus Stop at 3:00. Union Station. Takes them to [redacted].
Abbie and Ben go to dinner at [redacted]…not sure who all will be there
We need to talk to Grandpa this night

Friday:
Abbie takes train to Aurora.
Borrows mom’s car to pick [redacted] up at airport
[redacted] and [redacted] drive to Aurora
Ben has hot party with lots of strippers

Saturday:
Abbie in Aurora for shower
Ben takes Charlie to [redacted]’s in the morning
Ben drives to Aurora and waits at Starbucks/[redacted]’s for Abbie to call
Ben makes appearance at shower (1:30ish)
Everyone goes back to [redacted]’s and spends rest of day there
BBQ with out of town guests and [redacted]’s friends at night
Everyone sleep over

Sunday:
Abbie and Ben take [redacted] to airport at noon
Abbie and Ben drive home, pick up Charlie from [redacted]’s
Abbie and Ben pick up [redacted] and drive to Hinsdale
Dinner with [redacted]s/[redacted]s
Drive [redacted] back to city.

Pass out.

And by “hot party with lots of strippers,” she means “possibly make mac & cheese if I feel like it, watch maybe 40 seconds of the Olympics, and pass out on the couch with my hand down my pants.”